


secrets i've held in my heart (are harder to hide than i thought)

by dormant_bender



Series: pass out at three, wake up at ten. [2]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fraternity, Awkward Sexual Situations, Brotherly Bonding, Companion Piece, Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, Explicit Language, Fluff and Crack, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, One Shot, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 02:25:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9471278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dormant_bender/pseuds/dormant_bender
Summary: being with neymar was like one of the wonders of the world, muses james, but he was definitely okay with that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hiya, my loves~ enjoy ? :p 
> 
> (( this can be read alone without reading the actual fic, though i guess it'd give more context to their relationship and what the au is like? hmm.. but definitely can be read how it is. ))

  


**_monday_**.

  


  


there, lounging on top of a giant pepperoni-pizza float in the center of the massive pool, lounges a more noticeably reserved frat boy. music blares from a speaker uncomfortably close to the water despite the risk of it quite possibly tilting over and making a splash as well as a sizzle into the pool but it's always in the same place every night; it hadn't fallen in yet so it must not have been that much of a safety hazard as previously thought. 

  


it's unacceptably late, probably inching closer and closer to midnight the longer he remains poised on the flotation device, but he muses that skipping tomorrow's humanity and anthropology classes would be more of a win than a loss. snorting his amusement, he settles comfortably against the plastic, staring up at the scattered lights speckled across every inch of the midnight sky. 

  


earlier in the day he had gone to all the classes he was supposed to have attended, much like the good boy he is, but it had been a relatively tedious day considering neymar had been sailing on a steady high since that morning. something about how it helps him focus or whatever—which, honestly, is total bullshit because he seemed to be bouncing off the walls more than usual and doing the salsa—when did he even learn that?—to all of his classes.

  


literally, muses the colombian, as he allows a fond smile to settle upon his lips. james shifts to maneuver his arms to fold them beneath his head, hiking a leg up on the plastic, jostling the pizza float around until he's drifting toward an edge of the pool. another song picks up on his spotify mix, much to his relief, the brunet humming the lyrics softly to himself.

  


at least until the steady doze he was slipping into is interrupted by an obnoxious voice that seemed determined to wreck the peace at every available opportunity. still, james smiles, because when you were dating an always enthusiastic brazilian, it was sort of impossible not to.

  


"thought you were busy 'getting your guru on' with that hookah dani brought over?" softly questions the brunet as he abruptly sits up on the float, peering through the darkness, with assistance from the soft glow of the pool lights.

  


neymar, wearing a tight pair of swim trunks that fit him like a second-skin, shrugs a halfhearted shoulder then slips soundlessly into the water to join the brunet. "i think i lost my high," starts the younger until he reaches the float, kicking his legs behind him to stay afloat, leaning casually at the edge with his arms folded over the plastic while his chin rests upon them.

  


"oh yeah?" snorts the colombian as he crosses his legs neatly beneath his body to gaze at the brazilian, hazel-eyes slightly glazed over, lips reddened, water droplets clinging to his lashes. "finally realized you weren't actually on the moon hunting space crystals then?"

  


flushing at the words, neymar shifts his gaze downward, shaking his head slightly then releasing an exasperated sigh. "well yeah, that too. i was convinced that i was fucking—fucking neil armstrong or something hunting moon rocks." he pauses, brows furrowing like they tend to do when he's thoroughly perplexed by his own words: "actually, that part may have been true?"

  


rolling his eyes, james shifts once more until his stomach is plastered to the plastic, reveling in being eye-level with the younger. those eyes, there's something special about them, but he could never pinpoint exactly what it was that made them so— _so_... he purses his lips in concentration, attempting to find the right words; they don't come, however, as he could probably never put into words how beautiful they were.

  


"why do i doubt that?" teases the colombian, breath fanning into the younger's face. he cants his head curiously, "i know you, stupid, so i know that's not the actual reason. tell me?"

  


quiet and resigned for some peculiar reason, the brunet doesn't breath a word. instead he searches those chocolate eyes like they possess the answer to all his questions as well as insecurities. james isn't certain whether or not he's found what he's looking for but he's relieved by the sight of a tiny smile spreading across his mouth. that's something, at least. it's one of those rare smiles, one that's not teasing and taunting nor holding any devious intent, it's a real one. one that james likes to think is only for him, at least he hopes it is, because he can feel that strange constriction of his heart the more he stares.

  


another beat goes by, the song transitioning into another, one more tranquil than the last and setting the mood. "you weren't with me anymore," breathes the younger quiet, bashful, as he redirects his attention to one of the pepperonis on the flotation device. "it's not fun being alone and i guess.. well, maybe.. that i don't like it when you're not around?"

  


one thing about neymar was that he wasn't the most eloquent of people in the house nor the entirety of the campus if james were being honest, but sometimes he had moments. glimpses into his head and what really went on in the cluster-fuck that was his brain. james was more open with his feelings and how he felt about things while neymar was just the opposite, hesitant almost, to expose what genuinely lurked around in his overactive mind. 

  


"that was stupid, wasn't it?" derisively snorts the brazilian, rolling his eyes. "fuck, see. this is why i try to keep my mouth shut, you're always telling me to shut the fuck up anyway and then i—fuck, okay. i'm going back to the room, alright, feel free to drop in—"

  


"hey," breathes the colombian with a small frown curving his lips downward. when the younger shifts to swim away, he grabs fast to his arm, tugging him back. despite the tense aura settling between them, james begins to laugh, eyes bright with mirth and a grin settling on his mouth. "it wasn't stupid, it's just weird hearing you be so—so not like you, y'know?"

  


seemingly calmed by the words, much to james' delight, the brazilian nods his head slowly then settles back into his previous position. "it's hard saying what i want or how i feel," outwardly the boy winces then scoffs but james is all ears as he cards fingers through neymar's damp, disheveled locks. "i'm trying and you know it's hard for me but, fuck, i'm here and i'm trying."

  


james is silent for a considerate moment, reveling in the breathy sighs the younger emits while he scratches blunt nails against his scalp, humming contently to himself. "didn't know this was a couple's counseling session," teases the elder as he fondly stares down at the younger, who huffs, lips pursing into a pout. "no, hey, stop being like that. i'm kidding, you know that, it's just—it's cute, when you say things like that."

  


eyes narrowed to slits, neymar makes a move to escape once more, but is halted by an abrupt pair of lips capturing his in a kiss. one that leaves him breathless and tense at first but he relaxes into it, sighing against james' mouth as he does so, all the frustrations from before melting into the way that their lips mesh in practiced synchrony. 

  


there was always one way to get the brunet to shut up, and james knew this, just didn't fancy doing it often as he tended to enjoy when neymar mindlessly spewed whatever was on his mind at the time. but, fuck, he couldn't help himself when he was watching a dark flush paint neymar's tawny skin that inches down toward his protruding collar bones.

  


he felt like a moth and neymar was his flame, which made it impossible to shy away, so he had silenced all protests with a simple kiss. it allowed all those frustrations to empty into the way neymar nips at his lower lip, heady and desperate for more, chasing his mouth when james attempts to withdraw from the kiss. not all problems could be solved this way, james knew that too, but it was enough for now.

  


finally, the brazilian breaks the kiss, panting slightly and licking his bottom lip as he eyes james with an unhinged desire. "dare you to call me cute again," huskily mutters the brazilian as he lifts his brows in challenge, smug smirk spreading across his lips.

  


"i've awakened the beast," snickered james as he leans forward once more, letting his lips ghost along the younger's and retracting when he moves to seal the deal but to no avail. "a cute beast, more like a wet rat right now."

  


"fuck off," snorts the brazilian as he latches onto james' arms and sends him plunging deep into the depths of the crystal clear water.

  


james struggles at first beneath the weight of the water, blinking around the sting of chlorine, until he spots neymar swimming toward one of the edges of the pool in haste. amused by the situation, the colombian surges forward, rapidly kicking his legs back and forth while simultaneously working the muscles in his arms to send him spiraling toward neymar's hips.

  


rapidly, he snatches them, tugging him back beneath the water and receives a rewarding yelp in response. neymar, looking more entertained than angry, leans forward to press another kiss to james' lips and then tugs with all his might until the considerably bigger boy and himself have emerged above the surface of the water.

  


"so much for fucking off," finally counters james once he finds himself wedged against the wall of the pool and neymar's body.

  


"i could still fuck off?" offers neymar with a challenging brow perk, crowding in around the elder, pressing into the contours of his body with a smug smirk. 

  


"you wouldn't dare," james growls with a narrowed gaze, legs going up to circle the younger's waist, tugging him in close and caging him in. 

  


neymar looks thoughtful for a moment but the look reverts back to desire a second later as he presses his half-hard cock against james' pelvis, rocking against him. "didn't know i had a fucking spider monkey for a boyfriend," scoffs the younger when james places the warm palms of his hands against neymar's abdomen, smoothing along the skin there, caressing him gingerly.

  


"oh my go—can you stop with the animal names?" pleads the colombian with a roll of his eyes, the groaning noise turning into a moan when neymar bucks his hips forward once more. "can we save the literal pet names until after you're done?"

  


"the only way to shut you up is with my dick in your mouth or my dick in your ass," counters neymar as he feigns annoyance, though the look in his eyes betrays him. "choose your pick, i think i'm good either way."

  


"why am i dating you?" murmurs james, actually annoyed, lips pursing into a tight line as he scowls at the younger boy.

  


"oh, c'mon. like you have to ask yourself that." the brazilian buries his face in the warmth of james' neck and inhales deeply, reveling in the lingering scent of cologne, nosing into the skin there. "because i give it to you good like no one else can, for one." neymar breathes, peppering kisses along the skin of james' neck, open-mouthed and lingering as he inches across the skin. 

  


james attempts to war with the moan trapped in his throat but releases it once ivory teeth sink into the side of his neck followed by earnest sucking from plump lips. "you think so?" breathlessly rasps the elder, legs tightening around neymar's waist, tugging him unbearably close and moaning when their cocks brush against one another.

  


hands find james' ass, squeezing the ample globes through the trunks he adorns, earning another rewarding hiss from the colombian. "ohohoho, do i know so." once more he thrusts his hips forward, mouth attaching to his skin once more, sucking a hearty bruise to the base of his throat. "but you can play dumb and pretend like it's not true, though it'll be painfully obvious when you're cumming over and over again." 

  


james snorts, "yeah, right. fuck you," snickers the elder as he loses himself in the feel of lips inching down the column of his throat to thoroughly abuse his collar bones, head falling back, eyes plastered to the sky above.

  


and he swears he sees one star in particular twinkle at him, more like winking honestly, but he doesn't pay attention to it for long when a slick hand slides between their bodies to take his cock firmly in hand.

  


 

-

 

  


**_tuesday_**.

  


waking up on the floor was one of those things that james had found himself steadily getting used to. there he is, rousing, face down on the carpeted floor while half of the sheets are tangled around his ankle anchoring him in his spot for the time being. despite the fact that he wasn't the one who had gotten high for the majority of the day prior, he felt like he had, though he knows that the pounding headache he has is from being kicked out of bed and landing nonchalantly on his face.

  


one day he would surely bring up that issue because it left him aching all over whenever he woke up, but knows that he wouldn't; it's just one of those neymar quirks he was forced to deal with. slowly he disentangles the sheets from their hold on his ankle then uses the edge of the bed for leverage as he stumbles to his feet.

  


blinking owlishly he discovers neymar is still soundly asleep, splayed wildly across the bed. his hair is in obvious disarray and the room smells vaguely of sex, which, james didn't mind all that much. he nips at his lower lip thoughtfully before creeping over to rouse the younger, shaking him gently, but to no avail.

  


james groans outwardly, "wake up, dork." he tries once more but eventually decides on smacking him playfully on the ass which, thankfully, wakes the brazilian who squirms with a startled squeak.

  


"is the fucking kitchen on fire again?" neymar grumbles, voice thick with sleep, the brazilian shifting until he can stare directly up at james.

  


"we banned cris from the kitchen, remember? so, uh, no. probably not," muses the elder as he tears the sheets away from neymar's bare form to reveal his half-hard cock already proudly resting against the side of his thigh. "oh my fuckin—really?" he offers the younger a pointed look, nodding his head in the direction of his cock.

  


looking pleased with himself, the brazilian spreads his legs, smirking smugly. "junior doesn't sleep much when he wakes up to the sight of you looking sexy and pissed."

  


impossible, it is, to hide the grin that spreads across his lips. "could handle it in the shower if you hurry up?"

  


neymar nibbles at his lower lip, contemplating the suggestion, all the while a hand wraps around his cock to lazily stroke himself. "i mean, i could." he states thoughtfully with a hum, glancing back up to meet james' eyes. "or you could come back to bed? we gotta wash the sheets again anyway, waking up sticky with cum is one helluva experience."

  


sighing heavily, nose crinkling in disdain, james begins to trek toward where the shower is located. "i need to buy a muzzle." 

  


"james, c'mon." whines the brazilian deep in his throat, sitting up against the headboard, still lazily stroking his cock to life. "i'm like a damsel in distress here except it's my dick that needs saving."

  


the colombian halts abruptly, pausing, not saying a word as he shifts on his heel to stare at the brazilian. he crosses his arms across the expanse of his chest, lips pursing into a stern line, eyes admittedly glancing back and forth between bright eyes and the reddened head of his cock. dammit. shit, fuck.

  


" _nope_ ," decides the colombian, hands raising up in defeat as he turns to leave to the shower once more. "you're on your own, shitty puns and all."

  


 

-

 

  


the kitchen is already full of fellow brothers when he emerges from the bathroom with only a pair of shorts on and not much else. it doesn't occur to him that water is sliding off his skin and onto the tiles as he strolls toward where the counter is, for once, full with a various array of food. no one had cooked for the whole house in what seemed like a millennium so he was grateful to whoever woke up at the crack of dawn to complete the task.

  


fernando is sitting peacefully at one of the tables with a bowl of cereal in front of him, chewing contently, eyes glued to a laptop that's playing football tricks that he would undoubtedly attempt to achieve. so he snatches up a paper plate, plastering every inch with bacon, sausage, as well as eggs, and plopping down beside him.

  


the freckled boy makes a noncommittal noise in the back of his throat, glancing over the top of the laptop to offer james a smile, then returns back to the screen. "thanks to you and captain fuck boy half the house couldn't sleep," casually remarks the brunet, but there's no animosity in his tone.

  


wincing, the colombian distracts himself with gnawing on a piece of the sausage, buying himself some time before replying. "it's not like i meant to," murmurs james with a small frown. " _he_ probably meant to, you know how he is."

  


"oh yeah, i know." fernando laments with a snort of amusement, leaning forward to scoop more milk-sodden flakes into his mouth. "he likes putting on a show for everyone like somehow we all forget you two are a thing."

  


"we're, uh, we're working on that." james explains with a heaved sigh, wiping his now greasy-fingers on his shorts. "it's just—.. you wouldn't understand, i guess."

  


"i think i understand you might need some of cristiano's mystery juice," sympathetically states fernando as he signals toward sergio. "oi, serg, hook james up?" he nods his head in the direction of the younger boy, who nibbles unconsciously at his lower lip, eyes focused on the dollop of eggs on his plate.

  


soon sergio strolls toward the table with a wine glass, classy guy that he is, offering it to the younger boy who wearily gazes at it. "drink up, kiddo. it's our job as older brothers to take care of the cubs." fondly states sergio, ruffing james' locks playfully, glancing toward fernando. "something up with him and wonder dick?"

  


fernando shrugs halfheartedly, not entirely sure himself, eyes glancing back to james who sniffs the juice experimentally. "i have no idea," it's then he realizes that he would get nothing done, so he closes the top of his laptop, clicking it shut. "he probably doesn't wanna talk about it either, huh?"

  


both sergio and fernando direct their gaze to james who's takes measured sips of the liquid, nose crinkling each time he swallows, making gargled noises when it threatens to come back up his throat. "this is gonna kill me one day," squeaks the colombian but he finishes it with a few gulps later nonetheless. "i don't wanna talk about it though." 

  


"figures." sergio mutters under his breath with an over-dramatic roll of his eyes. "look, kid, we all know how insecure neymar is. it's not your fault though, so don't go thinking it is. that's all him, not on you."

  


just then a ringtone plays boisterously, fernando cursing to himself, glancing at the caller id and offering the younger male an apologetic smile. "fuck, hey. it's 'toine, told him i'd walk him to class." he hesitates before standing, clapping james fondly on the back. "we're having a house meeting and talking about this later, man."

  


before anymore talk about the situation at hand can resume, however, neymar rises from the corridor with eyes as red as a tomato. sergio coins james an apologetic smile, punching him playfully in the jaw, before returning to where another group of boys is talking in low whispers about who-knows-what. there was far too much to gossip about on campus and it just so happened that frat boys were the main one's who participated, at least other than their significant others, which were the sorority girls.

  


spotting james sitting alone at one of the tables, neymar takes it upon himself to approach him, slinging a leg over one side of the chair to properly straddle the older man. all he wears is a pair of leggings, manly one's—at least that's what he'd say—that expose every inch of his lower half and are snug particularly at the hips.

  


"skipping class today?" neymar ponders aloud, pressing his forehead against james' in a blatant display of affection, eyes fluttering close.

  


"yeah, probably." remarks james offhandedly, hands going to neymar's hips, steadying him upon his lap. "figured i would go off campus or something, stock up on paint, plus no one's bought the water guns yet."

  


looking thoroughly impressed by the turn of events, neymar withdraws, staring at james with a devious quirk of his lips. "finally decided to join the ambush team, huh? s'about time, fuck, we needed you since you have a class with him."

  


james shrugs nonchalantly, though he sort of feels bad already, and they haven't even enacted the plan yet. "it's sort of hard to resist you sometimes." laughs the elder boy as he leans back comfortably within the chair, enjoying the weight of neymar within his lap, his arms hanging loose around his shoulders.

  


neymar's expression turns serious then, which was uncommon for him, staring into james' eyes before completely blurting out exactly what was on his mind: "i fuckin' love you." 

  


wait, what? " _what_..?"

  


despite dating for around five months now, neither had expressed that four letter word yet, though he speculated it was because one was patiently awaiting for the other to say it first. now that he thinks about it, that was definitely the case, especially when he already knew what it was he felt for the boy still poised— albeit tensely now—in his lap. unconsciously, his hands tighten around the younger boy, holding him close while a broad, dopey grin spreads across his lips.

  


sergio, who had drifted closer to the two, perks up and awkwardly clears his throat as he silently points toward where the stairs lead and swiftly moves into motion to offer the two more privacy. for that, james thinks he'll buy the guy something nice, perhaps a box of those muffins he whines about all the time. still, neither have breathed another word, neymar's face going cherry red like he's holding his breath and frightened to breathe.

  


deciding to torture him with silence a moment longer, even if it were wrong of him to do so, james allows the silence to drone on. at least until the anticipation is built enough to where he softens his features, bringing a hand up to cup the back of neymar's head, fingers brushing at his locks. "me too."

  


finally, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, neymar chokes out a breath and finally breathes oxygen back into his lungs. and he's smiling, like he never has before, leaning forward to capture the elder into another kiss. james can feel the heavy exhales from his nose as they kiss, his head tilting slightly, receiving better access to his pliable mouth. 

  


"i fucking love you," neymar states, more confidently this time, wetting his already moist lips. "fuckin' love you, man."

  


"are you stuck on replay?" james teases lightheartedly, the latter snorting, nodding slowly.

  


"yeah, maybe, i think so?" the brazilian panders with a grin as he leans back slightly, back pressing into the circular edge of the table, not minding that it hurts a little. "feels good to say, i guess, been thinkin' about sayin' it forever now and it just sort of happened. so there, hell yeah, i love you."

  


"alright, okay." james dismisses with a hearty chuckle as he nods his head in the direction of his mostly untouched food. "eat up, tough guy." 

  


and james figures that maybe he's been acting so strangely lately because he had felt bashful about saying that four letter word. because those three words were life-changing and, honestly, if the all-consuming feeling in his chest was anything to go by, it truly was. all he can do is smile, eyes bright with adoration, lips split into a permanent smile as the younger indulges and moans around a mouthful of food.

  
  


  


**Author's Note:**

> i've never actually written neymes before so lemme know how i did ? i'm more of a neymessi kinda girl myself, but hey, it's good to try new things ;) <3 xx


End file.
